This week is a special double release of the Shukan Asahi interview translations. For this special week, we have SKE48's W Matsui pair!
In this interview, Matsui Jurina talks about how her mother, and also the words of her fans, helped her get through one time when she felt down from the pressures that were simply too much for a 13 year old.
Her Harsh Words Helped Me When I Wanted To Run Away From It All
Translated by emptystring
SKE48, the group that I belong to, is a sister group of AKB48. I am about to enter the 3rd year of secondary school, but I was only a 6th grader when I joined SKE48.
Upon joining, I was unexpectedly chosen to be the center of the next AKB single. However, I remember that I was more scared than happy when I was placed in the middle of these older girls that I saw on TV. Fans were saying things like, "we don't want SKE in an AKB song". I was so scared that my knees buckled. But I did not want to quit. I worked to death and wanted someone to say "Jurina was excellent." I only wanted that and worked hard.
However during last fall [note: which would have been Sep/Oct 2010], I had thought "maybe I can't work any harder than this..."
It was actually triggered by very trivial things - mistakes while recording TV shows; wrong dance moves during performances; I had also wanted express my opinions to the staff members, but I was not able to articulate very well. Things like these added up and I started feeling depressed.
One night, I told my mother, who was folding laundry, that I was couldn't go on anymore.
Then she stopped folding and said, "comparatively, I think it was harder for you 2 years ago than it is now. Do you want to try a little harder and see?" Then she left the room with my clothes.
She was right - it was harder 2 years ago, but I was reckless and fearless. This is different. She doesn't know this, but I had been thinking a lot. I am an adult and want to reach my own conclusions. I contacted the staff and asked to take off half of the next day, so I can recuperate.
But then I could only think negative thoughts once I got back to my room, like I was drawn to a dark pool. Is showbiz right for me? I wonder if people are mad because I am taking half a day off. I don't want to see anyone right now, staff or other members.
In the end, I did not get out of bed at all the next day. I had taken a whole day off without noticing.
Then at night, when my mother returned from work and saw me like that, she changed to a commanding tone and said, "You are absolutely going tomorrow! Go struggle!"
Jurina is an adult. But there are things I couldn't answer no matter how hard I tried. I was not going anywhere until I could answer.
She put down the laptop and said, "everyone is waiting for you." She opened a webpage and left the room.
It was my much-neglected blog, and there were many warm voices from my fans.
"Are you feeling unwell? You were not here today."
"If something is bothering you, speak up! Have faith in your fans!"
There were tears on my cheeks. Like my mother said, I will go tomorrow. Stop pretending to be an adult and struggle.
Just like this, I was reborn. And now I really enjoy working hard!
I am still a child because I was not able to be positive and proactive. My mother realized that and said those harsh words. She brought the voices of my fans to me. I probably will still need help from her for a while. This is why I want to become an adult soon, so I can become her support.
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